


Kent V. Parson

by datneeks



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alcohol, Gen, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3849202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datneeks/pseuds/datneeks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’re skating at Faber.<br/>There’s no one around and your phone is dead<br/>Out of the corner of your eye you spot him:<br/>Kent V. Parson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kent V. Parson

**Author's Note:**

> man i don't even know, i came across the phrase "actual human garbage" in the context of kvp, which brought to mind the song "shia labeouf" by rob cantor, and here we are.

You’re skating at Faber  
There’s no one around and your phone is dead  
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him:  
Kent V. Parson.

He’s following you, about 30 feet back  
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint  
He’s gaining on you  
Kent V. Parson

You’re looking for your shoes but you’re all turned around  
He’s almost upon you now  
And you can see there’s bling on his face  
My God, there’s bling everywhere!

Running for your home (from Kent V. Parson)  
He’s texting on his phone (it’s Kent V. Parson)  
Lurking in the shadows  
NHL superstar Kent V. Parson

Literally trash (Kent V. Parson)  
Playing his sport (Kent V. Parson)  
Got a nice fit body  
Actual human garbage Kent V. Parson

Now it’s dark and you seem to have lost him  
But you’re hopelessly lost yourself  
Stranded with a hockey player  
You creep silently past frat houses

Aha! In the distance  
A small cottage with a light on  
The Haus! You move stealthily toward it  
But your leg! Ah! It’s caught in a beer keg!

Pulling out your leg (Quiet, quiet)  
Limping to the cottage (Quiet, quiet)  
Now you’re on the doorstep  
Sitting inside: Kent V. Parson

Checking the playlist (Kent V. Parson)  
But he doesn’t hear you enter (Kent V. Parson)  
You’re sneaking up behind him  
Dancing with superstar Kent V. Parson

Twerking in your home with Kent V. Parson  
Wrestling a phone from Kent V. Parson  
Gotta get a selfie  
Selfies for all with Kent V. Parson

You limp onto the porch  
Bruise forming on your hurt leg  
But you have won; you have beaten  
Kent V. Parson

Wait! He isn’t done! (Kenny surprise)  
There’s a hat on his head and a smirk in his eyes  
So you challenge him to beer pong!

Body shots with superstar Kent V. Parson  
#Epikegster with Kent V. Parson  
Normal Friday night for Kent V. Parson  
You try to outdrink Kent V. Parson

But a bruise is forming fast on your hurt leg  
He’s draining every cup, he smiles for a camera  
You finish off your drink, aim for the next  
You’re throwing the ball now  
You have just defeated Kent V. Parson

He drunkenly topples to the floor, expressionless  
You fall to your knees and catch your breath  
You’re finally safe from Kent V. Parson…


End file.
